15 Nov
Pieces of Happiness - Week 5

So far, these past 5 weeks of prayer have been a huge blessing in which God has been unbelievably kind to me. As I reflect over the past month, thinking of the people I’ve met, the experiences I’ve shared, and the observing of the Lord’s good work I’ve got to do (no matter how subtle), I can’t help but be in awe of the masterpiece He’s writing. I am extremely grateful to have the ability to see God moving in this life and can’t thank Him enough for the inclusion I feel in His kingdom, despite my fleshly resistance in moving forward.

I began this week as a witness to many people being baptized in the name of the Lord, declaring before others that Christ is He, and that their heart was now His. It brought tears to my eyes as I saw the joy radiating from their soul, listening to the words of praise they gave our Father, as they basked in His love. Even through these individual declarations of faith I could see others grow closer to God while my heart did the same. On this morning God was responding to my recent prayers. True He may not have been answering my prayers, but He was definitely responding. He opened my heart in reminding me that while I may pray for a specific path, His path always makes more sense.

Desiring to walk that path more and more I take a look at my steps and think about my effort (an effort that will quite possibly always feel short). My personal alone time with God was even less than it was last week. Yes I got the daily Word in, wrote 3 letters to God, and was able to share a nervously audible prayer with a close friend but part of me feels like there could have been more. While I am thankful for the time spent in dedication to Christ, I have to admit that I opted out of two events, which held the potential to benefit my Spiritual growth. I didn’t often come to Him nightly, or say good morning when I woke, or even give more than 10 minutes of quiet attention in trying to listen to Him.

Talking with a friend this week, He told me the key to everything is listening. His words pierced my heart. Listening… yes, of course! He’s absolutely right. Speaking to God may be an important part of growth, but listening to Him is even more so. I’ve never been good at resting in silence to wait for His voice, but I believe it’s possible to do, I even believe it’s something I want to do, but my efforts along with my actions refute that.

Starting this project I was intent on seeking out Godly experiences and spending large amounts of time in prayer with Him. I feel like I haven’t done that yet. I can’t say there’s been no seeking, but it hasn’t been fervently. I can’t say there’s been no time in prayer, but it hasn’t been considerable. As I think about the longings of my heart, I have to consider the ways I’m holding myself back. My words may profess the desire to live for Christ, but how much of my actions really demonstrate that? I may claim to be a follower of Christ, but am I just a fan?

Now those words might be a bit too critical especially when I pause to think about all the ways God has graciously gifted me in being His vessel, but unfortunately and fortunately, I want more! Fortunately and unfortunately, I think that requires much more listening on my part and I’m praying for the regulation to do so. I’m asking for the ability to wake up in the morning and ask our Savior what He wants to do today, where He wants to go, and how He would like to use me. I’m asking for visions of clarity, movements of Spirit, and obedience of heart. Lord, give me eyes that see and ears that hear!

This week I’d like to humbly ask you to join me in those prayers. I’ve always held a bit of a reservation about praying for myself, or asking others to pray for me, but I’m not gonna lie, Lord knows I need it. Our good God knows this so well, that I asked one friend to pray for me last night and another I hadn’t heard from in awhile texted me to tell me that she was. This kinda blew my mind. Not only is God listening to our prayers, whether we voice them or not, but His Spirit is putting those prayers in the hearts of others for us. Hallelujah!

As I mentioned in opening this week, God has been unbelievably kind to me. Regardless of my self-doubts or criticisms, I’ve been happy in starting this new project and the places/conversations it’s brought me to. I delight in the ways that I’m craving more and feel like pieces of my life are being put into place so that I may live out not only what my heart desires, but also what God has planned for me long ago. If these 5 weeks have led me here, where are the next 47 going to take me? If I’ve experienced this much of God’s revealing grace in this past month alone, how much more is He going to reveal to me in the next 11? I can’t pretend like I know where I’m headed, but as I read this past week, “faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves and knows the One who is leading.”

I’m more than excited about my future with God. I pray that while I persistently and patiently wait for it to get here, I be overjoyed in the present, learning more about Him, myself, and others. Though it may be true that I have a very limited view as to where I’m going, I am confident that if I go with God, it will be nothing but good.

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